Like You
by vine
Summary: -I long to be like you. Lie cold in the ground like you- A 'What If', dealing with the darkest possibility of Chase after Gert's death.


**A/N: Something I had on my computer for a while, unfinished. So I finished it up, and realized that I'd post it, even though I think it sucks. So here it is.**

**I like to think of it as Chase's worst case scenario after Gert's death. My first Runaway fic. Dark and slightly OOC. Song is "Like You" by Evanescence.**

_Stay low.  
Soft, dark, and dreamless,  
Far beneath my nightmares and loneliness.  
_

Chase's sheets were soaked with sweat. He tossed and turned, moaning incoherently. Peaceful sleep had become a myth since that night. The little sleep he had managed to grasp in the months since had been fraught with nightmares and riddled with 'what ifs.'

Sometimes, he tried pills to make the dreams stop... But they never worked for long. Under the drugs, all that appeared in his dreams was darkness. It suffocated him, restraining his reaching limbs from tearing it away, and revealing who he knew was waiting beyond it.

_I hate me,  
For breathing without you.  
I don't want to feel anymore for you.  
_

When he was awake, he tried to forget. But all that did was bring reality into sharper focus. The wrenching pain that was his own heartbeat was a constant reminder, one that kept him up for days on end. Each breath proved that he was still alive, whereas she was gone. He just wanted to be numb. Why couldn't all the feelings just stop?

_Grieving for you,  
I'm not grieving for you.  
_

The others gave him looks full of pity and shared pain. Chase preferred these to the ones they gave each other; worried glanced, whispered conversation. They were worried about him. He thought it was a waste of their time. He was still here, he was still breathing. They should worry more for the fallen. She was the one that occupied his thoughts, ever since he had died –and then been revived- by her.

_Nothing real love can't undo,  
And though I may have lost my way,  
All paths lead straight to you.  
_

It would be a lie to call what they shared love at first sight. The first time Chase had laid eyes on her, he had been filled with resentment for the squalling, stinky bundle of joy. And as they both grew older, the feeling matured with them. She was the first one he teased; he was the first one she scoffed at for being ignorant. But within that, a relationship grew. It was weak and flimsy, something that could only be strengthened with time. But it grew. It blossomed into something that could only be called love. All his thought ended with her. And though it was months since they had spoken, held hands, or kissed… that hadn't changed. Every movement ached of the loss. He opened his mouth to ask her a question, only to remember that his sense of direction was gone.

_I long to be like you,  
Lie cold in the ground like you.  
_

Over and over, he replayed that night, knowing it should have been him that had ended up bleeding and dying on the cold, hard floor. She had died for him, and all he could think about was how he would give anything to be in her place… Or at the very least, share her fate.

_Halo,  
Blinding wall between us.  
Melt away and leave us alone again.  
_

No one ever told him that sleeping pills gave you visions. Yet every time he took one, he could hear her calling… Calling from beyond the blinding emptiness that separated him. He tried to call back, but his voice would stick in his throat. If only he still had the Fistigons, he could melt it all away. Then it would just be them again. Chase somehow knew that if they managed to be together, they'd be okay.

_Humming, haunted somewhere out there.  
I believe our love can see us through in death. _

Sometimes, he'd sense eyes on him, but turn to find no one there. She was watching him, he could feel it in his heart. And he knew that it was their love that tied them together. All he needed to do was look a little harder, push the knife of grief a little deeper, and she'd be standing before him again.

_I long to be like you,  
Lie cold in the ground like you._

He wasn't sure how he had felt about death, but he knew that his idea of it had changed drastically the night he had seen his parents watch on as a young girl was murdered in their name. It couldn't all end, it couldn't be that easy to make someone cease to exist. A slip of the hand, a few too many pills, and he could be with her again, cradling her cold body with his own limp limbs.

_There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you,  
I'm coming for you.  
_

And if to die was so easy, surely it couldn't be too hard to reverse. Once they were together, anything was possible. His brawn, her brains- they could break down the walls between Life and Death, blow them to smithereens. It would be simple. So simple to be with her again...

_You're not alone,  
No matter what they told you, you're not alone.  
I'll be right beside you forevermore.  
_

Chase hated the thought of her alone, underneath the ground. So he would whisper words of comfort, knowing that somehow, they would reach her ears. This earned many weird looks from the others, but he ignored them. He had been doing that more and more lately. Maybe that was because lately, he had started to hear messages in the wind- as if Gert were trying to answer him.

Once they were together, he promised, he would never leave her side again.

_I long to be like you,  
Lie cold in the ground like you did.  
There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you.  
_

He hadn't come out of his parent's workshop in days. Surely the others would be looking for him, but he didn't pretend to care. Maybe he was more like his parents then he thought- because their odd machines were starting to make sense now. He knew the answer was in here somewhere, if only he looked hard enough.

And ever since he had begun this search, the loss in his heart seemed to dull, obscured by the importance of bringing her back. Death wasn't the end.

_And as we lay in silent bliss,  
I know you remember me.  
_

Standing over her makeshift grave, dagger in one hand, Life in the other, he allows himself a small smile. And as he begins to make the decent to where the meaning of his life lays, in this muffled fantasy, he is ever pulled by the look that will be in her eyes when he is the first thing she sees.

_I long to be like you,  
Lie cold in the ground like you.  
There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you,  
I'm coming for you._

She is not like what he remembers. How long has it been? Her face is gone, but her empty eyes stare back at him, accusations in the space unfilled. Oh, how he longs to just lay down beside her, toss aside this broken life.

The thing in his hand, it would bring him to her. There was no doubt in his mind that they would soon be together. Because Death wasn't the end.

It was their beginning.


End file.
